What
has been will be again,
what
has been done will be done again;
there
is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1: 9
"School days, school days, dear old broken rule days."
Three months ago our kids sprang
into summer. Hurdled—dragging us with them. But now that school is back, it's
like trying to stuff a puffy pillow into a pillow case. I want to hold them by their waistbands and
shake vigorously. You vill fit into this.
We’ve all had our fun—or
whatever that was—and normal beacons. Unfortunately, our kids will not go down
without a fight. To help them surrender
their summer freedom without calling out the National Guard, take note of these
valuable back-to-school rules:
1. Thou shalt get up on time. During summer,
my kids got up when they woke up, so a week before school starts, I play my
oldie-goldie favorites. Full blast. At 7 a.m.
The effects of "Rock Around the Clock" and "Shout"
on a child's sleepy mind makes the intrusion of an alarm clock seem mellow once
school actually begins.
2. Thou shalt wear shoes. Shoes are for civilized people— not my
kids. Unfortunately, schools have the
rule, "No shirt, no shoes, no service" (do flip-flops count?)
Therefore, I take advantage of the shoe company's ad campaigns and point out
how fast they'll be able to run, jump, and play with rubber cushioning their
little piggies. Gullibility can be a gift.
3. Thou shalt wear underwear.
During the summer, my kids live in
their swimsuits (it does save on
laundry). But since school officials frown at the smell of chlorine and too
much skin, I relegate the faded suits to
the nearest toxic waste site. Then I buy my girls some of those Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday underwear to remind them that the days of the week have
names. For our son? A package of
spanking new whitie-tighties. What can I
say? They’re a classic.
4. Thou shalt eat at a table. With chairs.
And napkins. And even a
fork. After spending the summer eating
between ball games, water fights, and Barbie marathons, I set the table and
make them sit down and eat. If they say
please and thank you, I toss them a cookie.
Good dog.
5. Thou shalt stop growing. The age-old goal is to get last month’s
Visa bill paid before they outgrow their new clothes. That hasn't changed, but styles have.
Remember the thrill of wearing a special first day of school dress or
shirt? And new school shoes? Crisp. Neat.
It's hard for a tee-shirt—new or not—to be crisp. And a pair of baggy shorts and untied
sneakers are eons away from neat (and that's my daughters’ attire.) As for the extra inches they keep adding to
their physiques, try the old book-on-the-head trick. It's a good way for them to get in touch with
the dictionary.
6. Thou shalt read. The end of summer signals the downloading of
muscles and the uploading of the brain. A week before school starts, I make
them read quietly for an hour a day.
When they ask what they did to deserve such punishment, I tell them this
is the way it was done in olden times.
At this point, if they reference my
age, they have to read for two hours.
Want to try for three?
7. Thou shalt remember 1 + 1 = 2. If you've been good parents (exceptional, extraordinary parents) you've made your child read, practice their clarinet, and add random numbers throughout the summer to prevent brain mush. However, if you've been busy figuring out how to keep them safely occupied while you’re at work, or what to make for lunch for three months, you may have accepted brain mush as a viable summer alternative. If so, you need to reintroduce the concept of math. Take the kids shopping and ask them to figure out how much their jeans cost at 40% off. Or how about: If Mom and a carload of kids leave the house at 2 o’clock to go on errands, traveling at 45 mph until the kids spill their drinks in the car after five minutes, how many minutes—and miles—will it take for said mother to decide to go home and shop online? After taxing their brains in such a manner they'll be eager to get back to school.
8. Thou
shalt listen. No, not to their
computer, I-pod, Game-boy, cell-phone, or TV.
And not even to you. For during
the craziness of summer haven’t even you sometimes
forgotten to linger in the silence, to hear your own breath go in and out, to
savor now. For how can we hear what God has to tell us
if we constantly have noise inundating our lives? He listens to us. Isn’t it time we return the favor? “But the LORD is in his holy temple; let all
the earth be silent before him." (Habakkuk 2: 20) So shush yourselves. Turn everything
off. And listen to the Teacher of the
universe.
9. Thou shalt breathe a sigh of relief. This advice isn’t just for us parents. Even kids get tired of summer and long for—
Never mind. Number nine is just for parents, because
after enduring the question "But Mom, what can we do now?" 275 times
(and coming up with 270 good answers and 5 questionable suggestions) we need to
rejoice in the fact that our child's pain is our gain, and wallow in the
upcoming nine months of school.
Until next summer—when we’ll
forget everything we learned and make the same mistakes. Don’t fret it. That’s just the way it is—and has been since
time began. “Then I applied myself to
the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that
this, too, is a chasing after the wind.”
(Ecclesiastes 1: 17)
Wisdom, madness, folly . . .
that’s summer. Enjoy it. Every chaotic minute. For this too shall pass.
Too quickly.
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